Here I am thinking ...

I wish you were here, a real figure sit beside me.
But you are thousands miles away.
I wish I can reach ur heart.
But I doubt it, you keep saying don't know what to answer.
I wish I lost in ur arms.
But it was just a dream.
So I try to move on, forget you, start a new life.
But it's just so hard and painful.
I keep saying I am moving on.
But it's just a bullshit.

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Thanksgiving 2020

What a crazy ride we have been riding in 2020. The COVID-19 pandemic has pretty much put our life on hold, if not going on a slower pace. I feel that we are running a marathon, and it's not over yet. The emotional toll that we have been experiencing since March is real. Everything that we used to take for granted, like meeting up with friends, birthday parties, kids activities, traveling, the convenience of doing grocery shopping anytime we want, a lot of them have been taken away from us, from my family. No more parties, no more lunch or dinner with friends, no more invitation for birthday parties, no more traveling. Perhaps my life had become too easy before the pandemic. We had to switch Nathaniel from a brick and mortar school to a cyber school. I tried to plan my grocery trips ahead of time to avoid crowds. We had to wear masks everywhere. But at least we are healthy. At least I am facing this together with my husband and kids as a family. At least I am at home that is fu...

Rediscover childhood ...

When Iis asked whether I'd like to join a traditional Indonesian dancing ~ Balinese, I was hesitated. Last time I did Balinese dance was in Nyoman Gunarsa's Sanggar Dewata around 1989. I started dancing Balinese at age 4 when I saw my older cousins dancing, so I told my mom that I wanted to dance. Wrong decision :p! My mom enjoyed bringing me to the dance club, more than I enjoy dancing, and I was stuck for more than 6 years :p I knew that I wasn't talented, but she just didn't let me quit no matter how much I begged, hahaha. I finally quit because I needed to study more to prepare for Ebtanas (I know, I know it's such a lame excuse, hehehe) . Never crossed my mind that I would dance again. First because I didn't enjoy it, second because I am not talented. When finally I say yes, I'll come, I thought it would be the first and last time :) But I was wrong. It's fun and I enjoy it. This time is different because my mom doesn't tell me to do the dancing...

What would they decide ?

When I was a little girl, I heard a lot of stories about far-away lands from my mother. She told me stories that she got from my father's letters when he was away. Our family was apart for four years. My father went to school to Montpelier, France while my Mom raised my brother and me in Yogyakarta. Every other year Dad visited us, brought a lot of books and pictures home. Pictures of Versailles, Lourdes, Marseilles, Spain, and a lot more. He told us many stories, brought me from our little home to those countries, although only in imagination. Since that day, I convinced myself that someday, when I grow up, I will see those places with my own eyes :) About twenty some years later, my turn came. I stand here, a few thousand miles away from home. About once a week I call home, talked to my parents about this place. About the harsh winter in Pittsburgh, about my new town near Philadelphia, about my new job. I might not be here if my father never brought me those pictures, told me st...

Every day has its own story

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