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God believer

Rasanya gw berhutang sama seorang teman. Sekian lama saling menghilang, tiba2 ia muncul di dunia maya dan memberi testimony yang terlalu tinggi buat saya. He called me a true good believer. Oh man, I suddenly got a guilty feeling when I read his testimony.

Hidup gw kayak roller coaster. Kadang di atas, saat gw merasa bisa melakukan apa pun yang gw mau, abis itu terjun bebas dan gw gak bisa ngapa2in, cuman njerit dan berharap semua segera berubah. Di roller coaster itu, kita nggak bisa ngapa2in selain percaya bahwa semuanya berjalan dengan baik dan nggak ada yang salah, thus kita akan baik2 aja.

Yang bikin gw guilty feeling, gw ngerasa hidup gw jauh dari gambaran yang diberikan temen gw, terutama belakangan ini. Gw apatis, gw sering maki2 Tuhan. Gw - b u k a n - a true God believer.

Tadi gw baca e-mail dari seorang kawan, dia bilang gini tentang katolikisme - Harus kuat dalam religiositas, berwawasan luas, pinter berargumen (nulis, etc), dan tidak boleh tinggal dalam menara gading. Gw setuju sama dia. Yet, I am far from that.

Duh, gw ngomong apa sih ini. Loncat2 nggak karuan.

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