It's been too long since last time I wrote, or post anything in my blog. Time flies fast, really fast. I looked at this blog, and gosh, the last significant post is older than 10 years ago. Perhaps I should start writing, to restart the good old habbit that used to be my therapy. It's really hard to start writing. Words and ideas disappeared.
Well, perhaps, just perhaps, I can write what has been happening with me. A lot of things happened since my last post in 2015. I am now a mother of two: Nathaniel, and Nadine. I am exhausted more than ever to ensure that the household runs, balancing the role of a mother, a wife, and a working woman. I barely have time for myself. I abandon a lot of things that I used to do, like writing, reading, dancing with my Indonesian group. But I also discover new things like parenthood - well, mostly parenthood, and sometimes I have no choice :), I recently rediscover baking, I cook, I restart to exercise regular.
I am getting older, my body changes, it's not a body that I used to have before the babies. Each of them give me at least 5 lbs, and I cannot lose them, but it's alright. As long as I have them and Dave, that's all I need.
It's been a challenging year, for everyone. 2020 is no kidding! Pandemic, political chaos, burden at work (despite my success), and now Dave lost his job. It is quite stressful. I don't know when I can see my parents in person again. All of us is trying to protect ourselves from this evil virus, hoping we are not going to get one. A lot of nights I have short but intense nightmare. Nothing really scary, but there is a big chaos in my mind trying the balancing act to manage the stress. I tell myself everything is gonna be alright. I don't have enough enery to worry about everything (not like in my 20ish when I had time to cry over failure on dating :). I'll take it one a time. Start with doing my job as good as I can, so it is safe. Starting with stay calm and logical, to ensure that I can support Dave in his difficult time. Starting with one breath at a time, to be grateful that the kids are happy and healthy.
God, please help us discover the way out of this mess.
What a crazy ride we have been riding in 2020. The COVID-19 pandemic has pretty much put our life on hold, if not going on a slower pace. I feel that we are running a marathon, and it's not over yet. The emotional toll that we have been experiencing since March is real. Everything that we used to take for granted, like meeting up with friends, birthday parties, kids activities, traveling, the convenience of doing grocery shopping anytime we want, a lot of them have been taken away from us, from my family. No more parties, no more lunch or dinner with friends, no more invitation for birthday parties, no more traveling. Perhaps my life had become too easy before the pandemic. We had to switch Nathaniel from a brick and mortar school to a cyber school. I tried to plan my grocery trips ahead of time to avoid crowds. We had to wear masks everywhere. But at least we are healthy. At least I am facing this together with my husband and kids as a family. At least I am at home that is fu...
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