2020

It's been too long since last time I wrote, or post anything in my blog. Time flies fast, really fast. I looked at this blog, and gosh, the last significant post is older than 10 years ago. Perhaps I should start writing, to restart the good old habbit that used to be my therapy. It's really hard to start writing. Words and ideas disappeared. Well, perhaps, just perhaps, I can write what has been happening with me. A lot of things happened since my last post in 2015. I am now a mother of two: Nathaniel, and Nadine. I am exhausted more than ever to ensure that the household runs, balancing the role of a mother, a wife, and a working woman. I barely have time for myself. I abandon a lot of things that I used to do, like writing, reading, dancing with my Indonesian group. But I also discover new things like parenthood - well, mostly parenthood, and sometimes I have no choice :), I recently rediscover baking, I cook, I restart to exercise regular. I am getting older, my body changes, it's not a body that I used to have before the babies. Each of them give me at least 5 lbs, and I cannot lose them, but it's alright. As long as I have them and Dave, that's all I need. It's been a challenging year, for everyone. 2020 is no kidding! Pandemic, political chaos, burden at work (despite my success), and now Dave lost his job. It is quite stressful. I don't know when I can see my parents in person again. All of us is trying to protect ourselves from this evil virus, hoping we are not going to get one. A lot of nights I have short but intense nightmare. Nothing really scary, but there is a big chaos in my mind trying the balancing act to manage the stress. I tell myself everything is gonna be alright. I don't have enough enery to worry about everything (not like in my 20ish when I had time to cry over failure on dating :). I'll take it one a time. Start with doing my job as good as I can, so it is safe. Starting with stay calm and logical, to ensure that I can support Dave in his difficult time. Starting with one breath at a time, to be grateful that the kids are happy and healthy. God, please help us discover the way out of this mess.