Yesterday a big thing happened in my life. After several tries, I finally got a scholarship to continue get master degree in the School of Health and Rehabilitation Science, University of Pittsburgh. My first reaction is “WOW, I make it !!! But that euphoria didn’t last long. I suddenly realize that it is a very important step in my life.
My decision whether to take the offer or to reject (stay here) will lead me to very different ways of life. Although I sometimes complain to my friends about how bored I am with my recent jobs : programming, debugging, trouble shooting – which is so exhausted – I know that what I have now is more than I need, even more, I get more than many other people. I have good-stable job, good salary (I am not saying it is great, but really really more than enough for a young single woman), although it is a loan, I also can afford myself to have a little house in Cimanggis – a suburban area south of Jakarta. I should gamble those things for my scholarship.
For examples, my saving would be near zero to buy plane-tickets, I should make a loan (either from my parents or friends) to support my first month in Pittsburgh, I should start to study again (I think my brain capacity is reduced for the last several years … hahaha), I should save some of my stipend to pay my housing loan here, and last but not least I know that I should work really really hard to adapt myself with new environments, new cultures, away from best friends, relatives, and family. After two years study, who can guarantee that I will make a better job? That made me stressed yesterday. Yes, it is a big gift from God, but also, I still wonder whether this is my way. Yes, for several years I am asking Him for any opportunity to continue my study, and now He gives me, but it doesn’t make myself stop trembling, the inner question kept echoing in my head, “Where do You lead me to? Is this the answer of all my questions? If I take it, is it the right decision? What if I failed? ”
On the other hand, I am really exhausted of my life in Jakarta. Routine jobs, routine activities, some failures in relationship, lonely feeling … Ahhhh, I really need to get out, make a new life, seeing the other part of the world, meeting new people, making new friendships. For sure, I want to heal my heart, find someone new, rebuild myself, find my true love, instead of keep thinking about him, again and again fail to keep my promise to get rid of him. I am really tired of my feelings. I know that a new adventure awaits me there. If I open this door, I know that there are several other doors behind it. They might lead me to new adventure, new opportunity, new love hahaha … , who knows? Or, am I just running away from my fears, my problems, and leaving Jakarta doesn’t solve anything?
Hmm, anyway, right now I am building myself, my motivation, so I can go without doubts. I really thank you guys for supporting my to make this giant leap *big hugs for you*, especially for: Mbak Lia, Susan, Deweu + CC (thank you for cheering me up yesterday), Setio, Mbak Dian, Mbak Wiwin, Andro (thank you, I make it with the GRE we got two years ago), my cousins and my brother, Agnes + Sigit, Ulus, doooh, banyak lah yang laen :).
My decision whether to take the offer or to reject (stay here) will lead me to very different ways of life. Although I sometimes complain to my friends about how bored I am with my recent jobs : programming, debugging, trouble shooting – which is so exhausted – I know that what I have now is more than I need, even more, I get more than many other people. I have good-stable job, good salary (I am not saying it is great, but really really more than enough for a young single woman), although it is a loan, I also can afford myself to have a little house in Cimanggis – a suburban area south of Jakarta. I should gamble those things for my scholarship.
For examples, my saving would be near zero to buy plane-tickets, I should make a loan (either from my parents or friends) to support my first month in Pittsburgh, I should start to study again (I think my brain capacity is reduced for the last several years … hahaha), I should save some of my stipend to pay my housing loan here, and last but not least I know that I should work really really hard to adapt myself with new environments, new cultures, away from best friends, relatives, and family. After two years study, who can guarantee that I will make a better job? That made me stressed yesterday. Yes, it is a big gift from God, but also, I still wonder whether this is my way. Yes, for several years I am asking Him for any opportunity to continue my study, and now He gives me, but it doesn’t make myself stop trembling, the inner question kept echoing in my head, “Where do You lead me to? Is this the answer of all my questions? If I take it, is it the right decision? What if I failed? ”
On the other hand, I am really exhausted of my life in Jakarta. Routine jobs, routine activities, some failures in relationship, lonely feeling … Ahhhh, I really need to get out, make a new life, seeing the other part of the world, meeting new people, making new friendships. For sure, I want to heal my heart, find someone new, rebuild myself, find my true love, instead of keep thinking about him, again and again fail to keep my promise to get rid of him. I am really tired of my feelings. I know that a new adventure awaits me there. If I open this door, I know that there are several other doors behind it. They might lead me to new adventure, new opportunity, new love hahaha … , who knows? Or, am I just running away from my fears, my problems, and leaving Jakarta doesn’t solve anything?
Hmm, anyway, right now I am building myself, my motivation, so I can go without doubts. I really thank you guys for supporting my to make this giant leap *big hugs for you*, especially for: Mbak Lia, Susan, Deweu + CC (thank you for cheering me up yesterday), Setio, Mbak Dian, Mbak Wiwin, Andro (thank you, I make it with the GRE we got two years ago), my cousins and my brother, Agnes + Sigit, Ulus, doooh, banyak lah yang laen :).
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