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Berharap

Orang bilang guru yang paling baik adalah pengalaman. Most people said so.
Aku lagi berpikir2 ... apakah benar aku sudah belajar dari pengalamanku selama ini? Apakah sakit-pahit-perih-suka-bahagia-tawa yang pernah aku alami dulu sudah membuat aku menjadi lebih baik?

Apa ya kira2 pelajaran yang bisa aku dapatkan dari sebuah hal yang terjadi lebih dari setahun yll itu? Selain pahit-perih yang masih terasa ... Masak sih enggak ada pelajaran berharga darinya

Kata orang, setelah mengalami hal yang pahit orang akan jadi lebih sabar, lebih rendah hati. Apakah aku sudah menjadi lebih sabar sekarang? Apakah aku sudah menjadi lebih rendah hati?

Waktu itu aku mencintainya seseorang ... dan akhirnya aku kecewa. Apakah pelajaran yang kudapat adalah: jangan pernah berharap??

Bukankah manusia hidup karena ada harapan? Orang yang tidak punya harapan, tidak akan ada cahaya di wajahnya, tidak ada sinar di matanya. Apakah sekarang aku harus mematikan segala kemungkinan untuk mulai berharap lagi?

Karena berharap itu menakutkan, tapi kita hidup karena ada harapan. Jadi, what should I do now? Membuka harapan? Ataukah aku tutup rapat2 harapan itu - dan aku pasti tidak akan kecewa lagi ... ?

Kalau aku punya harapan, pasti hidupku sekarang jadi lebih berwarna, karena ada sesuatu yang kunanti di depan sana ... tapi kalau itu ternyata jauh dari bayanganku, aku takut aku akan kembali terjatuh, kembali suram ...

Tapi kalau aku tidak berharap, hidupku akan biasa2 saja, gak ada warnanya ...

So? *bingung*

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