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unSpoken Words ...

2 hari yll, kita papasan. Sebelum lewat jalan setiabudi timur, aku harus lewat menara duta, dan gak kayak biasanya pintunya jam segitu udah ditutup, jadi harus lewat telkomsel. entah kenapa aku mikir, kalau aku muter lewat setiabudi timur lagi, pasti ketemu kamu. pintu yang ditutup itu kayak ngasih tau sesuatu. emang sih aku beberapa kali menghindarimu, pernah aku puter balik waktu mau makan di nadia ketika aku liat kamu makan di situ. pintu itu kayak ngasih tau aku, bahwa kita emang gak boleh ketemu, kalo aku ngeyel, pasti ketemu. dan ternyata bener.

Aku sampai heran sendiri dengan ketajaman 'feeling' ku. apa aku yang terlalu sering menghubung2kan ya? heran karena kejadian yang aku batin bener2 terjadi. dan ini gak cuma sekali. dari dulu, sering banget aku punya perasaan susah banget ketemu kamu. sering kali kalau aku pas nyariin kamu, aku ngerasa pasti ada kejadian yang menghalangi. dan itu kejadiannya dari waktu dulu banget kita masih sering jalan bareng, dan makin sering waktu kamu udah entah ada di mana. kali emang itu tanda aku gak boleh deket2 kamu lagi ya :) ?

Inget gak waktu malem2 aku minta tolong dijemput di rumah sakit, dan tiba2 kamu nggak bisa dihubungi sampai jam 10 malem lebih? padahal waktu itu hp mu stand by ...
lalu waktu aku kirim email di singapore ke kamu, dan ternyata not delivered. Delivery report nya baru masuk seminggu lebih. itu kejadian yang aku inget, kayaknya selain itu masih banyak deh yang lainnya.

Jangan ngerasa salah dengan apa yang udah kamu lakukan ke aku. aku emang sempat marah ke kamu, ngerasa bahwa itu gak adil buat aku. tapi kamu kan udah minta maaf tentang itu, dan aku udah maafin kamu. aku bener2 udah maafin kamu.

Kalo sekarang aku masih kepikiran tentang kamu, mungkin karena aku kesepian kali ya ... tapi aku nggak pernah ngerasa kamu jahat sama aku. kamu baek sama aku, malah mungkin aku yang jadi annoying. Iya, aku sebel sama diriku. Karena waktu2 kita kan udah lama lewat, tapi aku belum bisa rela sepenuhnya. Itu kan gak bagus buat diriku sendiri, dan juga buat kamu, buat cewek kamu. Aku sebel karena aku belum bisa ngelupain kamu.

Doain aku aja, biar aku bisa lupa, amnesia total :)) tentang itu.

Huah, hari ini aku janji mau ngirim CV ke Andreas, temenku di Citibank. Dia nawarin aku buat apply ke sana. Aku harus cepetan nih ...

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